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A Brief History of India as taught in our syllabus.

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Here is a brief summary of “History of India” as was taught to us in schools and is still being taught.

There was no India. But there was Tamil, the oldest language in the universe.

India that did not exist was oppressed by Brahminical patriarchy.

There was Indus valley civilization.

There was Mohenjo Daro and Harappa was a South Indian civilization (later discovery).

The fair skinned Aryans from Europe drove dark skinned Dravidians down South. Aryans branded Dravidians “Dasyu”.

There was Mahavira who “founded” Jainism.

There was Buddha who founded Buddhism.

There was Chandragupta Maurya and there was Chanakya.

There was Ashoka who embraced Buddhism “after Kalinga war”.

Samudragupta ruled over a vast territory. He was from Gupta dynasty.

There was darkness for almost 1000 years.

Muhammad of Ghazni, the Iconoclast conquered India, when it wasn’t there in the first place.

Muhammad of Ghauri conquered India too as it still didn’t exist.

Babar conquered India. Mughals made India the “Golden Bird” and built entire India. But it still didn’t exist till 1947 August 15.

Humayun retreated because of Sher Shah Suri.

Akbar the Great was so great that his name itself means great.

Jehangir was so sweet, they named a sweet dish after him.

Shah Jehan built Taj Mahal, the “symbol of eternal love” in memory of the second of his thirteen wives.

Aurangzeb was a pious and austere Islamic Scholar like Abu Bakr Al Baghdadi and he was a “Benevolent Dictator”. Aurangzeb called Chhatrapati Shivaji “Mountain Rat”.

All the Islamic Kings from Babar to Tippu Sultan were great secular rulers and protected Hindus and their temples. They made India their own. Persian and Arabic were incorporated as official languages of administration to help Indians to learn more languages.

Portuguese taught Goans to eat pork and drink Feni.

Dutch taught Indians to share their hotel bills.

French didn’t teach Indians how to do proper French Kissing.

The British ruled India for donkey’s years. They united India by their “Divide and Rule” policy. India became India because of British East India Company. And still, Gandhi and Nehru drove them away.

Congress, lead by Gandhi and Nehru fought for freedom. India became independent on 15 August 1947 purely because of Gandhi and Nehru without a single drop of bloodshed.

British gave India the freedom. They also gave us “friendly neighbor” Pakistan on both east as well as west. British left behind a Bapu or “Father of the nation” and a Chacha as parting gifts.

Chacha Nehru built India after the British had built India after the Mughals had built India after the Delhi Sultanate had built India all the while when India didn’t exist.

The End of the Beginning !

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